Hey everyone. Just a few quick blurbs be4 we get down and dirty... Oh yeah, very down and dirty. Easy. Fading Fiction, my band, featuring Judd Korman Andy Rosecrans Jeff Bonoma Steven Phillips and Austin Bruhl will be performing at Relay for Life at 8:30, so come check that out. Also lets all say a little prayer for the stats final tomorrow, which will be sure to be a bloodbath for everyone involved. Thanks.

On to the blog. First off, lets talk about Ted Mazetier. Ted is 84, which means that he was born in 1925. 1925 is a long time ago. Thats 4 years before the famous stock market crash, the one that didn't happen this year... Anyways, on any other day, Ted Mazetier is just another old, wrinkled, bad driving nobody. But on this day, he's a hero. Well, to himself at least. While driving in Tacoma, Washington, Ted pulled over to help two men with their car, which had apparently broken down. When he got to the car, one of the men punched him in the face, and demanded his keys. Now at that age, I'd probably just hand over the keys, because old people are not as strong as young people. But obviously that's a common misconception, because Ted, declining to hand over the keys, kicked one of the guys in the balls and the other in the stomach, and then the two guys ran away. Now a few problems ran through my head while reading this. First of all, the man only has two legs (presumably). Now, knowing that when people with two legs kick, they probably can only kick one leg at a time, unless it's a Japanese action movie. So, when Ted began to kick, he probably only kicked one of the guys, which means the other guy just stood there and waited to be kicked. Ted is 84. If you can't handle an 84 year old 2 on 1, then shit. Who's next on the list? Maybe a 90 year old will be easier? Secondly, instead of getting back up and kicking the shit out of the old guy, you run? I guess you didn't want the car that badly. The two men were later arrested, which just adds insult to injury. I think they already felt bad enough about getting their ass whooped by an 84 year old, but now they are in prison for it. That's a good day...Unless Ted looks like this:

then that's just bad luck. (You can totally see the outline of his dick. Gross.)

This story of carjacking attempts brings to mind a little story of my own. The year was 2007. I was in Champaign for a baseball tournament, and our team went out for a dinner, but me and Chap weren't hungry, and stayed back at the hotel. A few minutes later, we got hungry, and decided to walk to a Subway close by. To save time, we took a back route, which took us down some semi-sketchy roads. Close to Subway, we see a seemingly fine beat up sketchy car on a patch of grass. We walk by, and a one legged dude with a black hooker come out of the car. How many times do you get to say that combination of people in a sentence? Not many. How did I know she was a hooker you ask? I didn't, she just dressed trampy, stop asking questions. But seriously, she was a hooker. Getting ass gets a lot harder when you only have one leg. I'd think its somewhat of a turnoff. Or a turn on for those of you who like it freaky. But that's here nor there. So anyways, these two come out of the car, and ask Chap and I to help them push their car, because it had broken down. Chap, being the smart one, told them we were in a big hurry and couldn't. But me, living in my own Northbrook fantasy world, decided to help them, like a normal human being unaware of danger in sketchy situations. Chap repeated that we were in a hurry, but I told him he could go on, and I'd meet up with him. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Chap, being a good friend, decided to stay with me, and we both ventured to help Legs and the blooker (black hooker). When we got to the car, there were tons of rings and jewelry on the dashboard. Sketchy? Yes. Stolen? Probably. The car was a mess, with garbage all over the backseat. This was a horrible situation. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the car, other then it wasn't on, but they insisted that it was broken, and that we needed to push. So we pushed, and they kept going behind us, while we did all the pushing. Also, Legs was not helpin much, since he only had one leg, and no crutch (a crutch would get in the way with the hooker). So we push and push, and they are continually behind us, and it starts setting in that we could possibly get mugged. Finally, we push it onto the pavement (who knows how it got onto the grass in the first place) and Legs and the blooker get in the car and drive away. Don't say thank you. Drive away? Yes. The car worked. On the walk to Subway Chap educates me on how stupid I was. It was a harsh reality. We then ensue by eating two 12 inch subs. I got turkey and ham on Italian. And the apple slices, which they keep in the fridge with the milk that nobody buys. So, in the end, we didn't get mugged, but we almost did. It's hard to say you almost got mugged, but I think that story is worthy of the title.
The guy looked kinda like this guy from scary movie, only without one leg. And with a black hooker. Take my strong hand.

My final little blurb is a continuation of my parking violations story. When I was trying to think of an idea to ask my date (priyal) to prom, one of my early ideas was something with parking violations. So, I went to the deans office, and asked if they could give me one or two blank ones to use for a prom idea. The lady said no, they don't issue them to people. I was cracking up. I know she meant they don't issue blank ones, but the way she said it was just hilarious. They issue them to everyone. And the one time someone wants a parking violation, they don't issue them. Ha.

Thanks everyone happy birthday Jenny love you forever!